At the beginning of church service this morning, the music minister brought up how important imagery was in his worship time. Like him, imagery has always played a big role in my worship as well. Not only in my worship, but in the way I learn. Pictures always make it easier! My mind seems to be really good at taking words and putting them into picture form in my head. He had read a passage from psalms describing God our king, sitting on his throne. Irronic for me since when I think "God", a picture of a long haired jewish man in white robes sitting on a big throne is what I picture in my mind.
Later in our worship time at the end of service we were singing a new song that I had never heard before. Part of the chorus was "Oh Christ, be the center of our lives. Be the place we fix our eyes. Be the center of our lives." So keep in mind that for me while I'm singing, pictures are forming out of the words that I'm singing. I'm realizing that as I'm singing these words, as much as I know that those words need to be true in my life, my son's face was what I saw for those words. I, as a mother, spend my entire day taking care of my son and having him be the center of my life.
I was torn inside! I was having an internal struggle! How was I suppose to stand there worshipping my Savior and my King telling Him to be the center of my life, when as a mother I knew that my child was, and probably would stay the center of my life? Once again as I'm praying my concerns to God and struggling to give up the space I had in my heart for my son, a picture of my God showed up in my head. The same long haired Jewish man sitting on his big throne wearing the same white robes, only this time he was holding my son. Camden was sitting there on my God's lap and God was holding him in an embrace. Wow! At that moment tears streamed down my cheeks.
I am always going to be a mother to my son. God is always going to be my God, and He is going to be the center of my life. I don't have to stop being a mother, God is also my son's God. He will always be there for him. I can make my eyes be fixed on Christ and following Him, and He will in turn give me the strength and wisdom to know how to raise my children. It's weird to me still when I have these "ahha" moments, but gosh am I glad!!
Thank you Lord for showing me how much you love, not only me, but my child too! Thank you for showing me that I can put you in the center of my life and I can trust that you will have my child in your hands! Please help me to always keep that picture in my mind when I am going off coarse. I love you Lord and want my life to reflect you.
